Thursday, September 30, 2010

The one where I kicked Cancers Ass

Well the day has finally arrived. A) i am updating my blog but B) im updating because I have sooo much to say. So be aware, this may be long.

It's been about 2 months since I last updated and its been a rough past 2 months. More weight gain dragging me down and becoming really sick to where my bloodcounts were so low, my chemo had to be postponed. BUT, with that said, today, I had my very LAST CHEMO! I cannot believe I actually survived 6 months of chemotherapy. I've been sick, i've gained 60 pounds, I lost my hair, I lost my mind, BUT..... I got so many other good things as well. (more on those in a few). I got the results of my latest PET scan on monday and the tumors have still shrunk even more. The largest one in my chest that was the size of a grapefruit is not the size of a golf ball. Even better news is that the cancer appears to no longer be active! WHAT??? yes, Herbie Hodgkins has officially had his ass kicked! With that said, the PET scan is not infallible so I must still have 4 weeks of radiation to make sure it is completely gone and to decrease my chances of a Hodgkins recurrence. Side effects of radiation are mild including a sunburn, a hard time swallowing, fatigue, and a cough. I can handle those. The major side effects i'll be looking for 10 years from now which is a higher occurrence of breast cancer. giddy up!

Radiation should begin in the middle of October and I should be done by Thanksgiving. After that Im' hoping that I can finally get my port-a-cath out. I hate this thing with a passion. I'm all robotish and it just freaks me out.

Today my emotions were running very high. As soon as I sat down in my chemo chair and my chemo nurse said "last one!" i just lost it and started crying. They were tears of joy and tears of a struggle. The only saving grace was that my boyfriend Michael was there and I just didn't want to lose it in front of him.

So on to the good things. I've learned i'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I can't believe I made it through this. I've gotten closer to so many family members and have reconnected with many old friends. All of my friends and family have been so supportive this year with kind words of encouragement or just a simple comment to make me laugh. This year was about lots of laughs. Through all the nights I cried myself to sleep and the mornings when I woke up crying and thinking I couldn't go another day like this, there was a message waiting for me when I woke up. Someone telling me that I could totally rock the GI Jane look for Halloween or someone giving me an uplifting scripture message. Without all of you, I would never have made it in one piece.

I've talked about this months ago, and that was how cancer actually was able to put a lot of things in perspective. It also helped me heal a broken heart oddly enough. That was completely unexpected. What was even more unexpected was me falling in love. I didn't think my heart would ever open up to anyone ever again, let alone while I had cancer. All I could think was "who's going to love me now?' After losing my hair, being tired with no energy, being grumpy alot, and the weight gain. But I did find someone. Someone who makes me soooo happy and someone who has been by my side the past 2 months. Going to me with chemo and enduring hours of boring poison injecting! I love you so much mr. michael! SOOO much!

So yeah, this is my update. Life is good.