The one where Reality sinks in

Today was a hard day. I had my portacath inserted today. I was emotional most of the day cause it just hit me that I HAVE CANCER! They let me know I would have minimal pain, however that wasn't the case. After they made the first incision, they realized that scar tissue from my previous 2 biopsies was in the way so they had to make another incision over my old one. Afterwards, I was in pain. I was having trouble lifting my head because of the pain in my neck. I felt like most of it was in my head. After my last biopsy I had a good 4 days of miserable pain and I was just having a flashback of that and praying I wouldn't go through that again. They gave me 2 percocets and that seemed to help and make me really really loopy! I spent a good hour in and out of crying. Once I got home my mom had to ice my body down because i was so hot and sweating. I finally fell asleep and once I woke up I felt alot better. God got me through today and I know he will get me through every day. 

Tomorrow is my bilateral bone marrow biopsy and i hope it's a better day. I'm so thankful I have my parents by my side. I wouldn't get through this without them. This biopsy along with the PET scan will help determine what stage the cancer is in.  No matter the outcome, the treatments are the same.  I just pray it is not in the bone marrow.  If it is that increases my chances of getting secondary cancers, primarily Luekemia.  BOO.

Chemotheropy:  My treatment will consist of a 6 month plan with me receiving cycles once every other week.  After 3 months I'll have another PET scan to see if the tumors are shrinking. If they are shrinking to the doctors liking, it looks like I won't have to have radiation which is great news.  I'm scared to death honestly.  I'm not looking forward to being sick.  Nausea, throwing up, fatigue....HAIR LOSS.  At this point I've accepted that I'm going to lose my hair.  I'm too tired to fix it anyways so I'll be rocking a wig and some scarves.  Maybe I'll just walk around bald.  That seems much cooler.  I'll probably need a hat so that I don't burn.